Q11: I have a question about using vibrators. I use the Hitachi Magic Wand and one of my friends said that if I use it all the time I’m going to desensitize my clitoris. Is this true?
It seems like it’s almost the only way I can come but I couldn’t come very easily before I started using it anyway, so I don’t know if that’s the reason.
Can you give me some advice? Thanks.
–Vibra-girl

Nicole Marie: Nope, you and your magic wand have nothing to fear in the way of making your orgasms disappear. Many things can affect your orgasms and the ability to reach them. If anything, enlisting the aid of little Hitachi, with or without a friend involved, may help you learn how to more regularly achieve orgasm. Using toys can help a great deal with finding your comfort level, learning about what gets you off (practice practice : ) ), and peaking pleasure.
I once had a friend make the same comment about ‘losing your orgasm’ or desensitizing. I have to say, I’ve been using a variety of vibrators and toys for about ten years now and I haven’t broken myself yet. Likewise, I spoke to several friends about their own use (or supposed abuse) of BOBs (battery operated boyfriends) and not a single one has yet experienced a bit of desensitization or orgasm loss. As for other ways to come, it’s not uncommon that young women in particular find it most likely that they’ll reach orgasm during oral sex or with the aid of a toy. I suggest you enjoy these two options and remember that practice makes… well, maybe not perfect, but practice will certainly make pleasure.

Gwen: I can not tell you how many times I have heard this exact same thing. It seems like one of those ideas that everyone has heard, but no one has actually experienced. While I can’t speak for everyone, I can say that I have been using a vibrator (and now a number of different vibrators!!!) for about 4-5 years, and I haven’t experienced any long term desensitization. In fact, I have noticed that the experience of using “toys” has made me more aware of my body, how it works, how my moods and desires change, and what it takes to stimulate me at different times. AND, if anything, the knowledge I have gained regarding my own sexuality has increased my arousal.
Now, I don’t own a “Hitachi Magic Wand,” but I know that type of vibrator can certainly achieve super speeds, so I understand your concern. I own a magic bullet vibrator, and these are similar in terms of vibration speed. But even with this super speed bullet, I haven’t experienced any problems. And I have certainly used the magic bullet frequently enough to adequately test if I would loose sensitivity… ;). On average I use a vibrator about 1-2 times a week, but I have, of course, gone through prolonged periods of what I’ll call “extreme interest,” where I would use my vibrators every day (or several times a day) for a few weeks straight. Thus, I feel assured that if there was a chance that I would lose sensitivity, I would have experienced it.
While I haven’t experienced any long-term loss of sensitivity or desensitization, I should mention that I have experienced short-term desensitization. For example, from time to time, I will, when using a vibrator, feel like it is not as effective, and when I turn off the vibrator, I almost feel like my clit is still vibrating on its own for a short while after. But this sensation and the accompanying lack of sensitivity is very similar (almost exactly so) to the desensitization I have experienced after any prolonged sex play—with or without a vibrator—and it usually occurs during those times when I use my vibrator several times in a relatively short span (say like 2-3 times within an hour or two) AND, since sensation returns once I “calm down” and “give myself a rest,” (always within 24 hours) any fears I used to have about “burning myself out” have dissipated.
Instead, as I have said, I feel like the knowledge I have gained from using a vibrator has made me more open and at ease with my own body and sexuality. In fact, my experience with one vibrator has led me to try different kinds of vibrators to learn more about how my body works and what I like. You might wonder what other types of vibrators I have used. In addition to my magic bullet, I have a vibrator that vibrates and rotates (like the famous rabbit from Sex and the City fame), I have a classic dildo with the “regular” vibrating speeds, and I even have a vibrator designed to reach the G-spot. What I have discovered is that my sexuality and desires change with my moods. While owning so many vibrators might seem pointless to some (not to mention expensive), I have learned that my sexuality is very similar to my taste in food, or even how I choose clothing. I have different cravings, tastes, or moods on different days. Sometimes I have no interest in a vibrator at all because I prefer something else, say intercourse or my hand. Other times I want to use a vibrator and must decide if I want the vibration alone, at what speed, or if I want vibration and penetration together.
Now, all of this may just be complicating the situation and may not be true of you, but bear with me. Your question suggests that you have found that your vibrator is currently the best way, if not the only way, for you to achieve orgasm. And I would guess, from the wording of your question, that you seem a little concerned about the fact that this is the only or best way for you to achieve orgasm (particularly if it might lead to desensitization). Hopefully, I (and the rest of the panel) have dispelled some, if not all, of your fears about losing sensitivity by using your vibrator. And perhaps, if you no longer have that fear, you can fully relax and begin to really explore the use of your vibrator. And exploration is really what I am emphasizing. I understand that you may not be comfortable with trying different kinds of vibrators (plus you might lack the funds since the endeavor can get quite costly). I didn’t share my own experience to suggest that my answer is true for you. INSTEAD, I share my own experience in order to suggest that we could all benefit from spending some time exploring our bodies and how to arouse ourselves. Hopefully, now that you feel less concerned about desensitization, you can relax fully as you explore this process, and you might gain more insight into exactly why your Hitachi Magic Wand works for you OR you might gain insight into other methods (toys, tricks, or fantasies) that arouse you. Have fun!!!!

Peach: There is definitely a short answer to your question: No, you are absolutely not in danger of losing sensitivity. I checked a few medical resources just in case: Alice, Columbia University’s anonymous health service site, has a very good post on the topic; also, The Kinsey Institute (of Sexual Behavior in the Human Male fame) has a Q&A on the same topic.
But I think there is a larger question looming for you, Vibragirl, which has more to do with why your Hitachi is the best or only means to orgasm for you. That’s something I don’t think you need to worry about, but it’s certainly something to think about.
My guess is that you’re still learning how to negotiate your body’s pleasure zones to get the feelings that mean orgasm to you. I don’t know how old you are, but as you might notice from our recent Orgasm Poll and the website it links to, people (women especially) come to terms with their particular pleasures at all kinds of different rates. Your magic wand may be the best means for you right now, but rest assured that this doesn’t mean anything is wrong with you, your sexuality, or your technique. Rest assured also that you don’t need to be married to that vibrator for life – good news if you move to Alabama, where vibrators are illegal! I think Gwen and Nicole Marie have already done an excellent job of clarifying how vibrators can be self-educational tools as well as instruments of pleasure - you may discover that what you need is not the fast vibration but a particular angle on your clitoris, or some other thing. Personally, my life changed when I discovered that the clitoris had a hidden shaft, and that mine preferred stimulation there (rather than the visible glans) – but that’s certainly not true for everyone, and it’s also not the sort of thing you’d find in a book (unless that book happens to be Natalie Angier’s Woman: An Intimate Geography).
I would add one caveat though: if you frequently use the same toy to achieve results, it’s possible that you’ll become accustomed to climaxing in that particular way. That’s not at all like desensitization (although it may seem like you’re desensitized to orgasms in other contexts) and it’s hardly a harmful condition… more a state of mind. One of the most marvelous discoveries for me was that my orgasms can vary greatly according to my mood, my or my partner’s technique, and all kinds of things. It’s difficult to explain orgasms in words (I usually have a good laugh at romance novels that try), but I suppose I’d compare some of these orgasms to eruptions, others to waves washing over me, others to being tickled mercilessly (those are funny). Sometimes my partner asks me, “Did you come?” and I have to say “I’m not sure…” because I’m feeling an unfamiliar pleasure sensation and need a few minutes to get my bearings and name it. Who knows why – I suppose there are physiological reasons such as variation in blood flow and chemical release, but since (as we’ve mentioned elsewhere) the largest sexual organ is the brain, I expect that all the various emotional extremities I experience are largely in my head. My point is: whatever you’re feeling, if it feels good, accept it. Don’t get married to a particular arc of pleasure, or the idea of A Good Orgasm (as if there is only one). No need for you to give up the magic wand, since it makes you feel good! But when you’re in other sexual situations (masturbating with your fingers or with a different toy; intercourse with a partner), try not to compare those different pleasures with the pleasures of the Hitachi. You may be surprised at the range of responses your body can enjoy!